VWPilgrim

First published 24th May 2023

When I told my mum and dad that I was going to be ordained at St Paul’s cathedral they were really excited. But two weeks before the service mum called me and asked “Your service thingy, where is it?” “My ordination, mum, it’s at St Paul’s Cathedral” I replied. “Are you sure?” she said “there are a lot of St Paul’s aren’t they, is it the big one?” “Yes, mu

m, there are lots of St Pauls’s but only one St Paul’s cathedral and this is the big one, you know with the dome in the centre of London…why do you ask?’’ It turns out that when they told a neighbour they had a special invitation to come to the service they said to her “What the St Paul’s?” My mum replied “Yes…I think so!” “What the big one in London? With the round thingy?” Mum was beginning to doubt, “Can’t be” continued the neighbour “people like you don’t get invited to places like that!”

In the economy of God’s kingdom, the truth is, people like us do get invited to places like that, and greater.   There are times, often, when imposter syndrome kicks and in and I genuinely don’t feel worthy to approach the table let alone preside at it.  Yet here I am, 8am Friday 19th May 2023, nearly 22 years after my ordination, presiding in a place like that.

I started the service a bit nervously and  I was very thankful for the familiar friendly faces of Kylie and Tricia, in the pews.  It was a bit tricky to engage with the congregation in the way I usually like to do in worship.  Partly due to the size of the chapel and partly due to the fact they sit around the edge.  In a horseshoe shape! Disappointingly for me this is not a reference to St Dunstan and the instance with the horseshoe and the devil, but is because it was designed for the clergy to say the daily office.  Which they have done since 1693.  Even before this Christian worship has happened on the site of the cathedral for over 1400 years “..by worshipping with us today you become part of this living tradition of prayer and thanksgiving” states the order of service.  I felt that.

As the service continued I could feel myself resting into that stream of prayer that has flowed since. I love presiding at the Eucharist, it is at the heart of my personal worship and no matter how grand, or not, the table is, it is still a constant place for me to meet with Jesus.

Signing the huge register of services witnessed my place in that steady stream of priests who have gone before me.  One of my churchwardens will be pleased to know that even St Paul’s Cathedral has a very similar approach to working out the numbers attending worship as we do at the Good Shepherd!

It was a real treat to preside at the cathedral, and I am extremely thankful for the experience.  But it wasn’t the best thing.

The rest of the day involved coffee, pastries, lunch and chatting with various clergy in the cathedral. I met my nephew Ben, who I had last seen in a photo being arrested for his part in the animal rights protest at the Grand National. Changing the world in his way, like I try to do in mine.

I was encouraged by Neil to stay for evensong, he fished me out of the congregation before it started and gave me a seat in the choir.  Not in the choir, or near enough to distract them with my singing, but it felt an honour to be up there in the stalls.  

After evensong it was time to find somewhere to stay the night. Part of the idea of the pilgrimage is not to book too many places to stay when I didn’t have somewhere particular to be. This I was beginning to regret! There’s an app for everything, so they say, and there is an app that can tell you where you can park up for the night. These range from pubs to lay-bys to campsite to on street parking. One such street was just across the river from the cathedral so I thought I’d give it a go. I parked up and there were a couple of coaches and one later model VW (T5 for those who wish to know!) It looked pretty cool, had anti government slogans written in pen on the windows, and a bicycle chained to the front axle. I hung around to see if anyone came out, but they didn’t and I was getting an increasing sense that I didn’t want to sleep here the night!

The app told me of another spot near friends in New Malden, so I messaged them and asked if they were busy.  They weren’t and asked if I wanted to park on their drive and sleep there?  “I’ll bring wine” was my response!

I had a lovely evening with Jane and Tim, and goddaughter Sophie.  Saturday morning Spotify randomly chose ‘Good times’ by Chic (very appropriate) and I set off to nearby Richmond park.  Scattering lycra clad cyclists out of the way as Molly climbed up the hill we made it to the car park – there’s always a risk that if we stop on an incline we might not get going again!  The sun was shining, the car park was free and I cooked myself lunch in the van.

The afternoon I got to see my other goddaughter Grace, with Sarah and Hannah and Grace’s brother Zachary.  Lovely relaxed afternoon, chatting and reading stories.  That evening Tricia had kindly said that I could park on her drive in Epsom (with electric hook up no less) and we spent the night with a hearty meal and catching up on the last 20 years!

Sunday I decided to go back to my old church, Christ Church Staines for their service. I genuinely wasn’t sure if there would be anyone there who remembered me, but was really overwhelmed by the welcome I received and the familiar friendly faces who were surprised, and seemed pleased to see me. After the service I took a pic and pressed play on Spotify. ‘Can you feel the force’ – The Real Thing, certainly felt the Holy Spirit in the service, so yes I think can. From there a spontaneous pub lunch with another good friend, Chris.

It was a real treat to preside at the cathedral…but it wasn’t the best thing.

What struck and humbled me over the weekend was those who thanked me for my ministry. Not for the sermons or the worship that I’d led, but it was for the ‘little things’. Praying with someone late at night when their husband was in pain, holding a hand with someone else as a family member died, talking another down from being in such a rage with a colleague, telling me that if I hadn’t he may have done something he regretted. Words of encouragement and acts of kindness seem to be what people have remembered and were touched by.

The best thing was the people. Spending time with people. None of it that pre planned – a lot spontaneous, spirit led, relaxed. I was so touched by friends taking the time to come to worship with me and meet me, taking time out of busy lives to share wine, and tea and stories – and driveways! I was encouraged as I met my old congregation and to see the life that was so obviously continuing in that place.

We never know do we? That simple encouragement, act of kindness or time given, the power that this has and the difference it can make.  It is what ministry is all about, and is something that we can easily lose in the busyness of work and life.  It’s also a ministry we can all do, you don’t need to be ordained in a grand cathedral to share God’s love this way.  It’s part of who we are as follower of Christ, it’s how people will know that we are his!  And it appears, really what people remember.